Spring – God’s Therapy

Posted on by under Encouragement, Herbs, Love, Mankind's Faults, nature, Plant uses, renewal

Someone recently told me I needed to go to therapy to work through some issues in my life. And no doubt, they are right. But, having a degree in counseling psychology, I’ve conducted therapy and I’ve participated in therapy and it is an exhausting process. If one can survive the initial stages where the baggage starts to fall off, and the weight begins to lift, it can be quite renewing, however. 

But, if someone cannot get past this initial stage, it can bring on depression and other physical and mental maladies. That is where they must continue with the process, even when it gets painful, and it can be very painful at times.

I recently told someone, who suggested I needed some therapy, that I knew all about it and didn’t have the time or mental energy for it at that moment. It was then I realized that springtime is my therapy. I love the warm days and sun hitting my back as I bend over my garden and admire the renewal of things, from baby birds to insects, to the lush green of my strawberry plants coming into bloom, or the loads of white blooms on my blueberry plants. Surrounding all this, the birds are swooping and flying back and forth as they build their nests to raise their babies. The bluebirds have returned to our bluebird house and already have a flock of babies they work non-stop to feed all day. Others, like the goldfinches, titmice, wrens, and others are working on getting their new nests set up and bringing nuts and other goodies to their new hatchlings. 

Even the flowers take on a new life of amazement. All of it fascinates me. It is so intricately detailed and unique, that each and every species is created differently and to God’s specifications. I gaze at the beauty of it all and know there is a God who is watching over all, there is not a bird that hits the ground that He doesn’t know about. If He cares for the birds and other animals, how much more does He care for me? And, that is my therapy, reveling in God’s creation, its beauty, its preciseness, its uniqueness and all made with His design. And, if creation in this fallen world which is full of sin and bad things can be so wonderful, how much better will it be when we get to the ultimate, perfect creation, spending eternity with God in His perfect world. What a joy that will be!

The Future is in the Past

Posted on by under Uncategorized

I’m writing a sequel to Against Their Will, in which the story begins with the initiation of an obscure program developed in Southern Europe by members from several European Countries long before the Korean War. These masterminds have discovered a formula to control people with the permanent implantation of a genetic code, that once implanted cannot be revoked. Only death can erase the code. Those with the code follow only the orders of their commanders; conscience and personal convictions are not allowed; they’re not even able to formulate them in their minds.

Fast forward to the future and we learn how our characters from the first book are fairing. Matt is moving forward with success in his movie-making career, and Lynn is climbing the journalism ladder and getting lots of recognition for the book she wrote about her experiences in the first book, Against Their Will.

Barry Swindmore, the wedding planner and society editor for the Houston Chronicle is given an achievement award at his alma mater, Appalachian State University. Thrilled with the opportunity to help establish a journalism college for App State, he believes his friends should be as happy as he is.

Not all is paradise for Matt and Lynn however. They struggle to get on the same page and move forward. Each of their careers is on the fast track of success and neither is quite ready to give up their achievements.

Events happen, and it isn’t long before a new scenario is revealed as global leaders develop even worse plans to alter the course of humanity, all for personal gain.

The past is a key part of current life on Earth. Added to this are some deeply calculated plans prepared to be enacted by even more evil people. While the victims of Against Their Will were limited in their geographical backgrounds and most were from the United States, in the sequel, the entire world will be affected and controlled by those who want to destroy life, not heal it. Only those with select genetic backgrounds will be used; the rest disposed of as trash.

As I write this new book, I am forced to look more deeply into the motivations for evil in all people. I think the most obvious is we’re all selfish. We all want to look out for ourselves first and others last. This is the core of the fallen human. And, we’re all fallen. Matt, Lynn, Barry, you, and I, we’ve all sinned, more than once. It’s in our genetic code. Despite wishing it were so, there is nothing we can do to get rid of the sin. We only have hope through forgiveness, given in love.

Easter is a reminder that we cannot pardon ourselves, or erase our sins. Jesus Christ came, out of pure love, and died on the cross to erase our sins. He didn’t charge us a penny for this. Instead, He offers his forgiveness freely to all who will accept it. He is the only one who can forgive us of our sins, and not accepting His freely given gift will cause one to spend an eternity apart from Him and in never-ending agony.

Please consider the role of sin in your life. Is pleasure, wealth, possessions, or self-centered actions the way to live a successful life? One may be fooled for a time and believe it to be true. But, one day there will be an accounting for all our actions on this Earth. We will all have to own up to our mistakes. Do you want to come up short on that day? If not, you can ask Christ to forgive your sins and ask Him into your life. He will forgive you because He’s already paid the price. It’s as simple as that.

If you would like more information on the subject or would like to discuss this matter, please respond to this post. I will be happy to chat privately and answer any questions you may have.

Against Their Will – Will the Pressure Ever Stop?

Posted on by under authors, Book outlines, Book pitch, character development, Choices, editing, Encouragement, hooking readers, Independent Publishing, Mankind's Faults, marketing, publishing, Self Publishing, Uncategorized, writing, Writing success

As I rush to conform to the demands on my shoulders, two traits, perfect and quick, are holding me back! I feel the need to be perfect in my words and ideas so maybe, just maybe readers will get hooked and keep reading, or even better recommend the book to a friend who buys a copy and so on. You work every spare moment of every day (and night in my case), and just when you think you’ve got it right, something else causes you to stumble and question everything you’ve ever considered in trying to write, promote, and sell your work. Most any writer can relate to this unless he or she has superpowers and can bypass this obstacle!

Pushing forward to produce work worthy of selling, I keep desiring quick; quick results, quick rewards, and quick everything related to my goal of creating work worthy of being read. Yet, unexpected bumps come along, as they do for any writer working to get their work seen and appreciated. There seems to be some detail or issue about your book you never thought in a million years would be a problem. Deadlines get changed without warning, and new demands, insisting you “market yourself and your work” get added to the mix of stomach-churning, acid-burning stress that clinches your insides with anxiety and keeps you awake at night.

The person who can develop, find, or produce a cure for this will be worth millions to those who benefit from their cure! But, one cannot let his or her guard down once your work starts to get noticed. That’s just the beginning of deadlines, pressure, and stress. And, when it looks promising that it will be picked up by a publisher, don’t think you’re home-free just yet!

“Oh, we need a revised and edited manuscript by next week. You can do that, can’t you?” I groan just thinking of this. Then there is the other applecart upset of the week, “We can’t publish your book, this year. The budget isn’t big enough”, or “We need to see more interest in your book”. The clincher for me is, “We need someone who can invest more time and money in their project.”

Okay, this is just a glimpse of what it is like to try to make it in the world of publishing. Not all aspiring authors face this. Some are truly blessed to be noticed and acquired without jumping through a world of hoops and other obstacles. So, how do those of us not so blessed; those who feel as if they’re constantly vibrating from stress constantly streaming through their veins survive?

Survive, that is the word. And, it is one I’m still working to achieve. Somedays, I’m on a cloud, so elated that something promising happened that pushed me one step nearer my goal, that I can’t stop grinning. Then a day or so later, I’m as low in the dumps as one can be because that promise of publishing, or getting an agent, or a contract for a movie script all fell apart with little more than one big sneeze.

Ah, so is life. If one is not stressed through one aspect of their work, there is certainly another job that can produce even more stress. And when that wave washes over me I’m just as destroyed as I would be if it had been a giant tsunami.

Stress is not limited to aspiring authors. It happens to all of us at one time or another. It’s a fact of life. How we survive it, is by our perspective on the big picture. Sometimes we have to give ourselves permission to fail, learn from it, and move forward with revisions made to our game plan. If we want something bad enough we won’t give up. If we do throw the towel in, then we believe we aren’t worthy of the reward of what we were chasing.

For me, all this is true. But, I do have one person who’s on my side, who truly cares for me and wants only the best for me in all things. And, in my love for Him, I am grateful that He sees a much bigger picture than I do. The fight is all in His ability to get me to see, hear, and listen to what He wants. For, He alone knows what works best, both in the plot and in life.

Who is He? Jesus Christ, my Lord and my Savior. In the end, it will all work out according to plan and it will be good.

Against Their Will – Global Minds

Posted on by under books, medical research, medicine, readers, writing

Nancy Livingstone

After a few years of chasing other pursuits, mostly just getting through the daily demands of life, I have been blessed to be able to get back to my passion, writing. As my first book, Against Their Will, is getting a new life along with lots of exciting possibilities, I am now pursuing a sequel, currently titled Against Their Will – Global Minds .

In this sequel, the reader will be updated on the characters from the first book and meet a new group of people, all with their own agendas driving them in different directions with one goal, control, of themselves, others, and ultimately, the world.

Since the first ATW book, the main characters, Matt Grayson and Lynn McCane are enjoying the new life they found from their trials and adventures the first time around. As far as they know, there are no fears following them from their past. Matt is courted by Hollywood to sign on for more staring roles, and Lynn has earned a reputation as a hard hitting journalist who goes after the truth, no matter what. What they don’t realize is that brewing beneath the daily news is a huge story, that if enacted will change life on the planet in ways that will affect every individual, rich, poor, healthy or ill that are hard, for those who will be affected, to imagine.

Against Their Will – Global Minds is set on a world stage where powerful and known and some not well-known individuals are making plans for every human being on the planet.

Promises are made that claim this new life will be an utopia, a life of ease and lack of want for anything. And, all of this will be courtesy of an obscure and relatively unknown group of people who claim no one should be denied anything in life due to lack of money or other resources. They make this promise because they have access to hidden resources. This little known group is ready to boldly move forward with their plans. And, an unsuspecting world is cheering them on.

The human genome research that was developed in Against Their Will is still alive and well, but is a closely held secret with only a few select people knowing exactly what and where it is being developed and how it will be deployed.

This sequel begins in North Carolina where a group of physicians and other researchers in nearby Research Triangle Park are working together to bring forward some new treatments using modifications learned from human genome research. They are tapping into the brain power of some of the greatest medical minds in the world. It is this resource of brain power that made this area such an attractive place to move forward with their exploration and ultimate control over the world’s resources.

Let’s meet some of the characters.

Dean McCanter, MD – Dean grew up in eastern North Carolina and finished his undergraduate work at NC State University in biomedical engineering. By the time he earned his Bachelor’s degree at State, he knew that research into new treatments, especially cures, was the ticket to his desire for money and status in life. The only fly in his ointment after gaining his MD degree from the medical school at Duke University, was to be assigned a residency at Rex Hospital in Raleigh; the hospital being part of the UNC Healthcare network. No self-respecting, loyal member of NC State’s Wolfpack would allow such a thing to happen. Grudgingly he accepts the post and conforms to the work demands all the while telling himself it is only temporary. He is offered the position of Chief of the Emergency Department, a position he believes will catapult him to his real desire, making more money while increasing his status in the world. In the interim, he looks for ways to get the debt collectors off his back.

Sky Carver, MD – Sky is a year younger than Dean McCanter and doesn’t come from an affluent family. She grew up believing hard work and doing her best with what she was given was the only way to success. She is not a stranger to hard work, as she worked her way through college, and then attended a lesser known medical school, one in which the tuition was a bit more reasonable. Sky didn’t care the school wasn’t a Harvard or a Yale. She is determined to succeed no matter what. Sky is second in command of the Emergency Department at Rex, under Dean McCanter. Prior to Dean’s promotion to Chief of the ER at Rex, Sky had been told she was to be the next director, just as soon as some things could be put in place. When Dean was named Chief, she was shocked, then filled with anger.

What really gets Sky rolling is the lack of leadership from the newly appointed Chief of the ER, Dean McCanter. It all comes to a head when he’s no where to be found on an evening shift when a massive pile-up on I-40 overwhelms the ER. Sky takes over and manages things, but it only serves to increase her dislike and resentment of the current chief.

Against Their Will – Global Minds, opens on a Friday evening rush hour in Raleigh. After working two shifts in the Rex Hospital ER back to back, Sky is on her way home. Just as she is within a few miles of her apartment, the ER calls and begs her to return. There’s a huge pile-up on I-40 and lots of casualties. Sky turns around, and returns to the ER only to find the it is understaffed and no one knows where chief, Dean McCanter is.

The deluge of patients continues throughout the evening and overnight. Sky does her best to stay afloat with all the demands, but the injuries they’re seeing are severe and some quite puzzling. She struggles to keep things running and despite multiple calls and pages, no one can find Dr. McCanter. What’s worse, a number of those brought in are in extreme pain and exhibiting unusual symptoms, fevers, rashes, disorientation and ultimately coma followed quickly by death.

This post introduces two of the main characters in Against Their Will – Global Minds . In the next post, additional players will be introduced.

Thank you for reading, and as always, comments and thoughts are welcome!

Abner

Posted on by under Choices, Encouragement, Love, relationships, religious conviction, Uncategorized

One week ago today (Saturday) I lost one of my most precious things, my cat Abner. I am still battling tears as I write this.

Abner came to us a little over a year ago. He was living in our shed and was afraid of everyone, especially me. No wonder, he was living on his own, finding his own food, shelter and safety from predators. When I first saw him I knew I needed to help him, but it had to be on his terms.

Daily, I was out there with fresh food and water. He would look down at me from the rafters (where he had some place to hide while sleeping), and watch my movements as I put out his food and refilled his water dish. All the time he stood there watching, I chatted with him. (I know that sounds crazy but he soon associated my voice with food.) 

Time went by and he continued to live in our shed. I was finally able to touch him briefly on his back while he ate. I was surprised that he didn’t flinch. That initial touch turned into petting he seemed to like for he started purring.

Late May arrived and the weather began to warm a little, and he was spending more time away from our shed. He still came for his daily meals, as the food was eaten, but I didn’t always see him.

One Sunday, I went to the shed with food, called him by name, and he slowly climbed down from the rafters to me. I immediately saw why he was moving so slowly. He had blood running down his face and from one eye. I panicked and ran to my husband, screaming that we had to get him help right away.

I started calling around to see who might help and came across a wonderful cat rescue group called FUR (Feline Urgent Rescue). The volunteer I spoke with was so helpful and understanding. She made arrangements to meet my husband and me the next morning with a trap and release cage. She instructed us on how to use it. 

We put the cage out that evening after filling it with a can of the best tuna we could find. Abner was trapped in the cage the next morning, crying and pitiful. 

We took him to the Vet that FUR uses and they took Abner in, neutered him, took care of his wounds and gave him his shots, and any other medication he needed.

We brought him home and released him inside the room we would be keeping him in until he healed and felt well enough to meet the rest of the family which was Gracie, our indoor cat and matron of our home!

I can only imagine how traumatic all that was for him because he had no way of understanding his treatment was given to him out of love and concern for his well-being.

It hit me that his experience is like many human experiences, especially the ones that lead us to a relationship with God. He tugs at us, uses circumstances, and sometimes direct words from a well-meaning person. But as all that happens, no matter how frightening or overwhelming, we are carried along by His love. He knows His plan for us and wants to care for us, but so often we fight back, hissing and scratching and clawing at whatever it is that faces us, even if what we face is something for our own good.

Abner adapted quickly to us and our daily routines. He loved sitting with us while we watched tv and he loved to take a nap in the sun in a rocker on our front porch. Sadly, it was that nap in his favorite rocker that led to his demise.

Two dogs from a house up the street (pit bull/boxer mix) trotted into our yard and up on our porch and grabbed Abner. My husband heard the commotion but by the time he got to the porch there was no one around, so he came back inside. I came into the kitchen and asked where Abner was. He said he didn’t know but that he was on the porch earlier.

A bad feeling churned in my gut. I ran outside yelling his name (he always came running when I called) but, that day nothing.  I went to the back side of our house and noticed the two dogs in the driveway across the street from me. They were glaring at me. I kept calling “Abner” now very worried that I didn’t see him anywhere.

I started to walk up the side yard all the while feeling the glare of those two dogs watching me. I suddenly saw an animal unmoving in the grass. I bent over and knew immediately it was Abner. He was still warm, but dead.

I cannot begin to relate my horror and shock. I screamed out at the dogs and they ran off. I picked up Abner and carried him back to the house and wrapped him in a towel. My husband immediately called the police, the sheriff and then Animal Control. Animal Control was the only agency willing to respond. 

All this to say, there was nothing that could be done except to issue a citation to the dogs’ owners. But, this post is not about vengeance, or even right and wrong. It’s about trust and love. Abner personified both. He loved us and wanted to be with us. He trusted us to take care of him and we did, until that last fateful day that I will forever regret. 

Even when life seems its worst, we can trust God to look over us, provide for us, and guard our paths each day. It doesn’t mean we won’t have hard times or heart breaks, but it means His love is always there, hovering over us, no matter what. We may be in a circumstance that we don’t feel His love, or we think we’re so bad He can never love us, but that is when He loves us the most.

I know God has His reasons for taking Abner as He did. Yes it hurts, and I cry as I write this. But, I also trust that God will work something good out of this tragedy. I pray too, that maybe you will find Him in your darkest moments as He is there to love you and care for you. It’s just that its on His terms and not ours.

Abner, we will always love you and you will live in our hearts forever. Rest in peace, my dear boy.

Against Their Will – the beginning

Posted on by under authors, books, empathy for characters, Health Care

Against Their Will – Prologue

Infernal stoplight. Could it take any longer to change?

Sweat dripped down Max Duncan’s back and dotted his brow. It soaked through his formerly pristine shirt and left stains under his arms and on his collar. Cars swept past, slinging stifling, muggy Houston air into his face. He wanted to slap it away. Instead, he shifted from foot to foot.

“I ain’t got time for this freakin’ . . .” A string of obscenities slipped out under his breath. He glared at the crowd pressing against him, pushing and nudging him. He bared his teeth as if he were a lion ready to pounce and rip the entire throng to shreds. Then, he thought of all the germs, the stink, and the sweat that would contaminate him, and he pressed his lips together in a solid line, as if they could be a protective barrier from the totally sub-perfect world bumping against him. 

The temperature rose, heat bearing down on him with such intensity that he was certain a giant magnifying glass was over his head, concentrating the sun’s rays on his scalp. When the signal finally changed, Max pushed through the crowd so that he led the pack as he raced across the scorching pavement.

On the other side of the street, he stopped in front of the bank’s wall of windows. His reflection stared back at him from the tinted glass. With a stubby forefinger, he dabbed at a smudge on his forehead. Lately, it was as if the years were melting away, like a river birch’s curling bark peeling away to reveal the pristine white trunk beneath. If it weren’t for that hideous tag of skin growing under his jaw, he could be on the next cover of People’s “Sexiest Men Alive” issue – but that tag. It had only appeared recently. It was just a flap of extra skin, ridged like a gill, but with no color. He shrugged. Youth and energy, why they were the two greatest forces in life. They were all that mattered. He had been blessed with a lot of each lately. Although he didn’t understand why or how, he didn’t care. Max never questioned the generosity of any giver.

He glided through the brass-trimmed doors of the old bank and into the cavernous marble-floored lobby. He sniffed. Despite artificially cooled air, he could smell it- money, old money. It was like slipping into a favorite pair of jeans, comfortable, comforting. Odd, he didn’t remember being around it before.

At the teller’s window, Max pulled a sheet of paper from his pocket, glanced at it, and then said,  “I’m here for Gerald Humminger.”

There was a momentary pause as the woman glanced up at Max and narrowed her eyes. After a few seconds, she said very stiffly, “May I tell him who wishes to see him?”

Max patted his tie. “Yeah, you can tell him Max Duncan is here.”

Soon, a tall gentleman in the dark, cut-to-perfection uniform of the business world approached and extended his bony hand.

“It’s Max now, is it?” Gerald Humminger grinned. “What a pleasant surprise! I certainly didn’t expect to see you again, at least not so soon.” He gripped Max’s elbow and spoke close to his ear. “But, I must say, you’re looking better than ever – at least ten years younger. You must tell me about this youth potion you’ve obviously discovered!”

Max’s fat fingers encircled the man’s bony ones as they shook hands. His brows knitted into a frown. Who was this guy?

Moments later, seated in a leather chair in Humminger’s office, Max studied the man. How could Mr. Humminger be surprised to see him again? He was certain he had never met the lanky banker before.

As the thought traversed the neural pathways in Max’s mind, a small chisel started hammering inside his skull. The throbbing was moderate,  just enough to make Max grimace. He pushed the heel of his hand against his forehead.

“Are you all right?” Gerald leaned forward and squinted. Max nodded. “Want some ice water, perhaps, something stronger?”

Max shook his head.  “No . . . thanks.”

“Well then, what brings you here today? Last I heard, you were in some federal prison. It seems something was said about an inmate stabbing you.” Humminger giggled. “I believe it was with a fork! Even heard you didn’t make it. But, it looks like you not only resurrected yourself, new name and all, but you shaved a few years off while you were at it. If it wasn’t some magic youth potion, then it must’ve been one incredible plastic surgeon!”

Max stared at Gerald, his expression blank. Who was this man that he even cared what Max looked like? It was none of his business, except Max couldn’t deny the slight pleasure he got from the envy the other man held toward him.

Gerald’s smile faded. “Look, we’re old buddies. I’ve held your hand through the worst of them. This room is safe. You can tell old Gerald what’s really going on.”

“Going on? Nothing’s going on. I’m fine.” Max shifted in his seat. He pulled a handkerchief from his pocket and swiped it across his forehead. Then he glanced at his watch. “Look, I need to make a transfer. I’ve got to split twenty million between three accounts. One’s in the Grand Caymans. The others are in Switzerland.”

“Twenty million? You have that much left? I thought our ‘I-feel-your-pain’ uncle took all your possessions. IRS and all.”

All his possessions? He was simply transferring money on behalf of his new employer.

“It’s not mine,” Max said as he pushed a sealed envelope across the polished desk. “It’s my employer’s. The authorization’s there,” he added, pointing to the envelope.

“New employer, huh? You not only flirted with death, cheated and won; you’re also not wasting any time getting new work, are you?” Gerald tore open the envelope and quickly read the single sheet inside.

“Says here this is your money, and you want it split between three accounts opened nearly five years ago.” Gerald dropped the sheet and stared at Max. “Want to tell me the real truth? What’s going on, Milo?”

“Milo?” Max frowned. “I tell you, nothing’s going on. Never in my life have I had money like that!” The chisel in his skull morphed into a jackhammer.

“Milo, Max, whatever. You’ve never had that little money in your life. You’re used to handling many times more than a paltry sum of twenty million. You controlled accounts the world over. The Grand Caymans was just play money. That’s why you can’t remember!” Gerald grinned as he patted Max’s shaking hand. “Sure, it must be hard giving up what you had. Looks like you’re on your way back, though. Pull a few wise investments, and in no time, you’ll have all you had before plus some.”

Max tried to swallow but couldn’t. So much saliva had accumulated it threatened to overflow and dribble down his chin. Without warning, a wave of nausea slammed into him, sending a fresh sweat river down his cheeks. Yet, he managed a smile as he nodded at Gerald.

“Very well.” Gerald stood. “You must sign the proper forms and all that. You know the routine.” He rounded the desk and started for the door. “Just sit back and relax. I’ll get my secretary on it right away.” The door shut behind him.

Max started shaking. He felt like a leaf whipping around in a storm, and he couldn’t stop himself. Ringing echoed in his ears. A frantic urgency pushed and pulled at his insides. He got up and started pacing in front of the wall of windows. He felt like he would die if he stopped moving. On the street below, traffic and pedestrians flowed. Heat shimmered off the pavement. Max stared at them and wondered why he envied them.

Gerald returned, breezing through the door with a small stack of documents in hand. 

Max spun around and hurried back to his seat in front of Gerald’s desk. He pointed at the papers. “Where do I sign?”

“Just like every time before, wherever you see yellow highlighting.” Gerald pointed at the various blanks. “These forms authorize this bank to move the money you requested to the accounts you specified, and so on and so on. Soon as they’re signed, we’ll enter the instructions and wait for confirmation. It shouldn’t take more than a few minutes.”

The signing completed, Max shoved the papers back over to Gerald who then took them to someone waiting outside the door. As suddenly as it had come over him, Max’s urgent energy vanished. His muscles, no longer tight and hard, crumpled into a limp mass. Yet, the pounding in his head jumped to double-time. He had to get out of there. He didn’t know why; he just had to do it. Right then. Aiming for the door, Max staggered as the room tilted and then straightened.

Gerald gripped his elbow. “What’s your hurry?” He bent over so that he could peer into Max’s eyes. “Are you all right? You’re looking a little pale. Sure I can’t get you something?”

Max focused on Gerald for a moment, and he realized suddenly he didn’t know why he was there. Max shook his head, unable to answer.

A young woman in a form-fitting suit pushed through the door and smiled. “Mr. Humminger, the confirmation just came back. I’ll have the hard copy in just a moment.”

“Thanks, Bonnie, dear,” Gerald said. His eyes lingered on her shapely form, and she glared at him as she backed from the room and slammed the door.

The pounding, the ringing, the nausea, all of it closed in on Max. He lunged for the door and reeled through it.

“Wait! You don’t have your papers!”

“I’ll . . . get them later.” Max rubbed his temple furiously. Without warning, he gagged, but only saliva streamed from his mouth. He managed to push through the door and half ran, half staggered toward the elevator.

Once inside, he leaned against the wall and panted. Swirling images crept across his vision, distorting the light and the area around him. When the doors opened, he nearly fell into the arms of a waiting woman. Instead, he caught himself and stumbled past her, aiming erratically for the outer doors and the bright light beyond. If only he could make it to the light.

The pounding and ringing intensified, shutting out all sound. Desperate to stop the pain, he pushed his palm against his ear and then pulled it away and stared at it. It was warm and sticky, dripping with bright-red blood. Max stumbled forward. He didn’t hear the shouts behind him or car horns blaring before him. He just searched for the light. He pushed his feet faster, desperate to find it.

When Max finally found his light, he didn’t see the car to his left. He couldn’t feel the crunching and cracking of his bones, the scraping and tearing of his flesh. His world wobbled and spun, dragging him with it. By the time he hit the pavement, it was black. The ringing stopped, and the pounding slowed. Thump … thump … thump … thump …

The newscaster’s professionally bleached teeth filled the television screen.

“In downtown Houston today, a tragic accident took the life of billionaire, former federal prison inmate, and allied Mafia kingpin, Milo Dolnia. Eyewitness accounts vary, some saying Dolnia was holding his head, with blood running through his fingers prior to staggering into the path of a speeding car in the one-hundred block of Louisiana Street. Others could not confirm his injury but saw him moving erratically prior to running in front of the oncoming vehicle. Dolnia did not respond to shouts or car horns. No charges have been filed s this time; however, an investigation continues. Dolnia was the focus of a recent controversy after being released from Bastrop Federal Prison after serving only a small fraction of his sentence for tax evasion and fraud. He …”

The petite, flame-haired woman hit the “off” button on the remote and threw it on her desk. Hands on her hips as if she were the steel-plated superhero, she whirled about to face the towering, almost superhuman-looking man entering her office. Despite the white lab jacket covering a starched shirt and silk tie, he looked more like a professional wrestling star than the genius he was as tested on the Wechsler Scale.

“Did you see that? Did you?” The woman’s voice rose. “They just won’t leave it alone, will they? They’ll do their investigations, prodding and poking until their brains freeze over. Why can’t they believe it was an accident and leave it at that?”

“Whatever are you worried about, Cherie?” The tone of the man’s voice was mostly neutral, except for when he pronounced her name. It was drawn out like a long, soft caress. She might have wondered about him, his heritage, if indeed there was some French ancestry there, but she was too preoccupied to consider his bloodline. More important issues related to blood kept her focused.

“Even with an autopsy, all they’ll find, beside broken bones and contusions, is a subdural hematoma, a small intracranial hemorrhage. They’ll assume that’s what caused him to run blindly into the street. Believe me; they will never know the truth.”

“I hope you’re right, Charles. For all of our sakes, I hope you’re right.”

“Why do you doubt, Cherie? Do you not believe me when I tell you of our progress, of our achievements? We have attained the unthinkable, things so unbelievable that if one did not witness them personally, one would never believe them possible. Yet, you have see it all, firsthand.”

Cherie’s lips curled into a self-satisfied grin as she rubbed her hand along his thick arm. “Oh, I know, Charles! It’s just I get scared sometimes. We’ve worked for so long on this, put so much into it, that to consider any setback now when we’re so close … well, it just curdles my stomach! You’re right; we’re almost there. I mean, Milo authorized that transfer of twenty million, not even a question asked! Think of the implications!” A low, guttural laugh rose from her throat.

“Implications?” Charles shook his head. “What is means is we still have not solved our problem. We still cannot determine why they succumb at exactly the same point.”

“So who cares if they fall over? At least we can get them to do our bidding first.” She licked her lips. “Charles, consider the potential. We’ve stumbled onto something that could be even more productive than you silly little cures. Why not use it?”

“Silly little cures?” His voice clipped the air with a cold, steel edge. “I thought what mattered most was not to make them our puppets but to perfect the miracles, to give them hope. Is that not the goal, what we are all waiting for, hope?”

Cherie rubbed her chin. “I suppose you can have your hope. Pity, though. We’ve proven the potential. It would be a shame to waste it.”

“Waste it?” He backed away from her. The air between them had become charged. “No, it would never be wasted, but we desperately need fresh blood. Somewhere, there is a person holding the right DNA key, the right genetic blueprint to give us what we lack. When we find that, then we have success. We can give them our miracles and keep them alive.”

Cherie rubbed a red-painted fingernail slowly across her plump lips. Her eyes narrowed as she studied him. In a low, seductive tone, she said softly, “Charles, you will find your success. I know you will. In the meantime, though, we can have some fun, can’t we?” She moved behind him and began to knead his shoulder muscles through the cloth of his lab jacket. As her fingers poked and prodded the tight muscles, she smiled her trademark Cheshire grin.

“Yes, Charles, we’ll have our fun, and you’ll solve your problems. You’ll get what you need, and you’ll be happy. I will be too, for you will have given me what I’ve searched for, no, longed for all these years. I’m banking the reputation of our entire project on your promises, and you know to whom I answer.”

Charles spun around so that his gaze met hers. The heat seemed to shimmer like pavement on a hot summer day. He nodded and said quietly, “I am well aware of the power behind you. But I cannot produce your miracles, or your puppets, without help.” Not waiting for a response, he spun sharply on his heel and hurried from the office. The door slammed behind him.

Cherie crossed her arms and stared blankly at the door. Slowly, a smile spread across her face. “Good,” she said, though there was no one to hear her. “Glad you understand.” 

Plopping into her swivel chair, she kicked her feet out, and with a soft “Whee!” she spun it once before pulling it up to her desk. She picked up the phone and punched in a few numbers as she muttered to herself, “Now for that little matter of genetic variety.”

One Step at a Time

Posted on by under Choices, distortion, family, freedom of choice, Love, Mankind's Faults, relationships, religious conviction, right to practice religious convictions, Truth

Life’s waves of turmoil and despair are crashing over me non-stop, with one knocking me over and another on top of it before the prior one subsides. So, what else is new? We all go through periods of strife and pain. But, why so much, God? Why now?

As life flies by, faster each day, I find it harder to digest all that happens. First, it’s a lack of a job. Then, the loss of connection with long time friends, followed by children that move away, both physically and mentally. The hardest of all is the mental loss.

What did I do wrong? Why is my child avoiding me? My first reaction is to blame myself. I did something to alienate him. My opinions on politics, the country and the world don’t match my child’s. Okay, so that’s not the worst thing that could happen. I am thankful that he is living and well; successful in his work, happy (seemingly) with lots of friends.

There is a change, however. A gradual movement to fewer visits; visits for big events such as Christmas or Thanksgiving, or a birthday being the ones worthy of the effort of traveling. They are short affairs, with the exit at the end of the visit quick and early. It’s like, if there is too much time spent together, something might be said or done that is disagreeable.

Are there issues hiding behind the smiling facade? Secrets that would be uncomfortable if shared? Has something happened that is too painful, or objectionable to speak of? Doesn’t my grown child know how much I love him? How much I would do for him; even if I don’t like things now central in his life?  That’s what unconditional love is all about. But, the same unconditional love also means doing the hard things; saying what needs to be said only because it is for the good of the receiver and it is said in love.

My husband loves to tell me (too often I think!) that truth hurts. We can know in our hearts that what is said is for our well-being, but in our heads, it hurts and we want to shun it. It comes down to the fact do we trust the person who tells us these things in love, or do we trust what the world tells us that is not necessarily the best for us or even the truth.

This is my real fear; that my child will believe the world’s lies before listening to, or even considering that what I say is the truth spoken in love. I fear he will be misled, lured down a road of lies, deceit and even betrayal. I fear that it is a road that could end in spiritual death.

When gazing upon the world’s current stage of events, it is easy to see how so many are affected by the emotion of the masses. Little to no consideration is given to the truth of matters discussed (more like shouted and screamed and threatened). Too few stop to consider the true consequences of their actions, both on themselves and on others. The pleasure of the moment, or what seems to be the politically correct thing to do, often outweighs the rationale or sanity on any given issue.

I look at these things and want to wrap my arms around my child and whisper in his ear to be wary, to watch out for the handsome devil, the cleaver deceiver. I want to beg him to stear clear of the lies that tickle one’s ears; ones that are used to coerce and manipulate.

As I take this unwelcome and uninvited journey, I realize I must give up control over the situation and plead with God for His mercy and justice. Daily, I beg Him to intervene and do what He knows is best and to help me let go of what I think is better.  I pray to Him to intervene in the life of my child and his eternal fate. As my knees get calloused, I slowly acknowledge it is out of my hands. It is only His hands, which are bigger and stronger, that can hold onto my child, and me at the same time.  And, through it all, faith is the only lamp I have to light the pathway in front of me, one step at a time.

Conspiracy Theories – Everywhere?

Posted on by under authors, Big Pharma, Conspiracy, drug testing, empathy for characters, Health Care, Health Care Practitioners, Herbs, medical research, Plant uses, Prescription Medications, writing

Admittedly, I love conspiracy stories; either in book form or big screen. I can’t seem to get enough of them, so I guess it’s not surprising that is my favorite writing genre. With a very divisive election behind us and polarized masses, I think it has become even easier to envision a conspiracy on any number of levels.

So what makes for a good conspiracy? I believe it must have components that the reader can either relate to, or believe could be easily set in motion. Simply, it is taking something from our everyday lives and giving it a sinister shading or background.

My personal area of interest is the field of medicine. Given this, there is a lot of potential fodder in that category. There are the cries against GMO’s, chemical alterations in plants, added substances to food items, the growth of Big Pharma, and testing on pharmaceuticals that may not be totally ethical. My novel, Against Their Will dealt with ethical treatments and practices on unsuspecting patients.

There is also the component of money in medicine. Corrupt practitioners who may push a treatment on a patient, not for the best interests of the patient but more for the financial or other benefit of the practitioner is one area with potential. Other possibilities could include harvesting organs for the black market, or even the legitimate market but with non-legitimate means. Just think of motivating factors to obtain the end result, money or power, and you’ve got a story in the making.

Power and money are just two examples of motivators for characters. What other things could define your character and provide motivation for them? Is it love? Or, acceptance, or even hate that pushes someone into action?

The blank page is your canvas so they say. But sometimes we need a nudge to put something on that canvas. Think of what motivates you and what you would be willing, or even unwilling to do? There you have a beginning for a new character!

Happy writing, everyone!

Emerald Beach a novel by Nancy Livingstone

Against Their Will by Nancy Livingstone

 

 

 

 

Big Pharma, Friend or Enemy?

Posted on by under Big Pharma, books, Choices, Health Care, Health Care Practitioners, marketing, medical research, medicine, Natural Cures, Natural Healing, Prescription Medications, Truth, Uncategorized

My "Big Pharma"

My “Big Pharma”

Everyday it seems we are subjected to yet another “new” study that insists we must do this or that to better our health. Sadly, so may accept these “announcements” as total truth without doing any background research on the subject. Being constantly bombarded by media, we tend to start believing everything we hear. Since it’s coming from the news, it has to be true. Does it? Really?

As I mentioned in my last post, most anyone can concoct a stunning web site and post most any information on it. And because it looks professional, it immediately gains credibility with the reader. Again, really?!!!

I too, have been fooled by snazzy sites and flashy reports that claim to have the “only” way to make my life better. A blog I follow, and have found to have mostly good information, recently came under attack for “selling” items and information on the site. The author responded with an apology, but said that was the only way he could afford to continue posting the info. It’s a shame that he has to do this, but certainly understandable. In today’s business models, profit is important, and even just generating enough to cover costs is necessary. A necessary evil we all live with.

But, I digress. I didn’t start this post to complain about business and the economy. Actually it is due to a recent article I saw on the web regarding cholesterol. As we age (and I’ve done my fair share of it!), we all get more and more concerned with the issue. Lately, I’ve read a number of articles slamming the mainstream cholesterol medications as being bad for us. And there are just as many out there preaching we must do (eat and take) all that the mainstream medical profession says we should.

We should all be aware of the fact that “Big Pharma” spends boat loads of money trying to influence the front line of health care providers to prescribe their drugs. Yes, there is very much a profit motive. But, at what cost, our health?

With new research and the spate of lawsuits regarding fairly recent drugs, (can you say Xarelto, Avandia, and many others?) those who are astute in following these developments have a very real reason to fear what might be forced on them by well meaning health care practitioners. Sadly, most people receiving health care don’t bother to read up on the drugs they are prescribed and many do not follow recent developments in the pharmaceutical industry.

Granted, there are many great drugs out there. And my heart goes to all front-line health care practitioners as they have a very difficult and stressful job. I believe they are following the guidelines given to them with the full intent of doing what is best for the patient. The trouble is, the Big Pharma companies don’t have the same goal. They are about money, and more money. And that is the conflict of it all.

In my book, Against Their Will, this mentality prevails. Scientists, hired in secret by the US Government, have discovered a new class of drugs that show serious potential to cure a lot of diseases. Even more importantly, they see how they can use their discoveries to make big money. It doesn’t matter to them the human life cost. They are immune. Their instructions are to produce the drug and multiply it at all costs.

When I first started writing this book, these assumptions were considered scandalous. Sadly, it is so much more believable today that it is downright frightening.

What can we do? Do we have any options? Or, do we have no choice but to comply? I believe it is up to each individual to determine this. However, there are things we can do.

We can find informative sources and research them to determine their credibility and therefore make our own decisions. We can search for and engage health care providers who understand our concerns and work with us to find solutions. And, we can say no. No to what is being prescribed. No to what is being strongly suggested we must take to save our lives. No, to those who don’t care about us and our health, but care more for their own pocketbook.

We need to open our eyes and decide for ourselves what is best for us and take advice from those we truly trust and know have our best interests in mind. Being responsible for our self in every way, especially our health, is the only hope we have.