One week ago today (Saturday) I lost one of my most precious things, my cat Abner. I am still battling tears as I write this.

Abner came to us a little over a year ago. He was living in our shed and was afraid of everyone, especially me. No wonder, he was living on his own, finding his own food, shelter and safety from predators. When I first saw him I knew I needed to help him, but it had to be on his terms.

Daily, I was out there with fresh food and water. He would look down at me from the rafters (where he had some place to hide while sleeping), and watch my movements as I put out his food and refilled his water dish. All the time he stood there watching, I chatted with him. (I know that sounds crazy but he soon associated my voice with food.) 

Time went by and he continued to live in our shed. I was finally able to touch him briefly on his back while he ate. I was surprised that he didn’t flinch. That initial touch turned into petting he seemed to like for he started purring.

Late May arrived and the weather began to warm a little, and he was spending more time away from our shed. He still came for his daily meals, as the food was eaten, but I didn’t always see him.

One Sunday, I went to the shed with food, called him by name, and he slowly climbed down from the rafters to me. I immediately saw why he was moving so slowly. He had blood running down his face and from one eye. I panicked and ran to my husband, screaming that we had to get him help right away.

I started calling around to see who might help and came across a wonderful cat rescue group called FUR (Feline Urgent Rescue). The volunteer I spoke with was so helpful and understanding. She made arrangements to meet my husband and me the next morning with a trap and release cage. She instructed us on how to use it. 

We put the cage out that evening after filling it with a can of the best tuna we could find. Abner was trapped in the cage the next morning, crying and pitiful. 

We took him to the Vet that FUR uses and they took Abner in, neutered him, took care of his wounds and gave him his shots, and any other medication he needed.

We brought him home and released him inside the room we would be keeping him in until he healed and felt well enough to meet the rest of the family which was Gracie, our indoor cat and matron of our home!

I can only imagine how traumatic all that was for him because he had no way of understanding his treatment was given to him out of love and concern for his well-being.

It hit me that his experience is like many human experiences, especially the ones that lead us to a relationship with God. He tugs at us, uses circumstances, and sometimes direct words from a well-meaning person. But as all that happens, no matter how frightening or overwhelming, we are carried along by His love. He knows His plan for us and wants to care for us, but so often we fight back, hissing and scratching and clawing at whatever it is that faces us, even if what we face is something for our own good.

Abner adapted quickly to us and our daily routines. He loved sitting with us while we watched tv and he loved to take a nap in the sun in a rocker on our front porch. Sadly, it was that nap in his favorite rocker that led to his demise.

Two dogs from a house up the street (pit bull/boxer mix) trotted into our yard and up on our porch and grabbed Abner. My husband heard the commotion but by the time he got to the porch there was no one around, so he came back inside. I came into the kitchen and asked where Abner was. He said he didn’t know but that he was on the porch earlier.

A bad feeling churned in my gut. I ran outside yelling his name (he always came running when I called) but, that day nothing.  I went to the back side of our house and noticed the two dogs in the driveway across the street from me. They were glaring at me. I kept calling “Abner” now very worried that I didn’t see him anywhere.

I started to walk up the side yard all the while feeling the glare of those two dogs watching me. I suddenly saw an animal unmoving in the grass. I bent over and knew immediately it was Abner. He was still warm, but dead.

I cannot begin to relate my horror and shock. I screamed out at the dogs and they ran off. I picked up Abner and carried him back to the house and wrapped him in a towel. My husband immediately called the police, the sheriff and then Animal Control. Animal Control was the only agency willing to respond. 

All this to say, there was nothing that could be done except to issue a citation to the dogs’ owners. But, this post is not about vengeance, or even right and wrong. It’s about trust and love. Abner personified both. He loved us and wanted to be with us. He trusted us to take care of him and we did, until that last fateful day that I will forever regret. 

Even when life seems its worst, we can trust God to look over us, provide for us, and guard our paths each day. It doesn’t mean we won’t have hard times or heart breaks, but it means His love is always there, hovering over us, no matter what. We may be in a circumstance that we don’t feel His love, or we think we’re so bad He can never love us, but that is when He loves us the most.

I know God has His reasons for taking Abner as He did. Yes it hurts, and I cry as I write this. But, I also trust that God will work something good out of this tragedy. I pray too, that maybe you will find Him in your darkest moments as He is there to love you and care for you. It’s just that its on His terms and not ours.

Abner, we will always love you and you will live in our hearts forever. Rest in peace, my dear boy.